If you have a bad feeling, be sure to let your partner know. reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): A You have the upper hand. Yes, I made the mistake of looking at it! Inform your spouse of any problematic relationship dynamics and work together to resolve them. You have permission to republish this article under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author and DavidWolfe.com. Therapist and author of Temptations of the Single Girl, Nina Atwood, said it is not necessarily wrong to stay friends with an ex, but she advises that it can be challenging, and can leave you in a tough spot emotionally. They are both big into rock climbing and go several times a week, sometimes with mutual friends and sometimes just the two of them. Youll just have to accept that its part of who he is, and trust that he isnt having an affair behind your back. ", That's not to say that all ex friendships are healthy or that all exes remain in contact for the right reasons. I went to the restroom to cry and he messaged me about 15 minutes later asking me to come out because he was looking for me the entire time. Reiterate that youd love for your partner to be friends with their exes, but in this case, it feels like the intentions arent pure. So, if something makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to speak out. reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): A At the very least you should be concerned about how she wants to make you jealous. Because even though they no longer have an intimate connection, they might still call her or him out on stuff. You dont want to force him to cut off his friends just to be with you. This is a good thing! female MediaPunch/Shutterstock Kendrick who declined to name her ex-boyfriend in question had previously confronted him about an alleged affair, which he fervently denied. And chances are that he will have no issues with you should you decide to start talking to YOUR exes as well. best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex. Is it inappropriate for him to have hung on to an ex like this? January 16, 2023, 12:02 pm, by I have photos, love letters, and emails from women in my past. 2) Youll make him feel trapped because hes dating someone who reads his text messages. Early on, however, we all have a tendency to over-rely on our partners for, well, everything fun, emotional support, relaxation, you name it. According to Dr. Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, a partner maintaining a friendship with their ex will only be possible if they have clear boundaries and demonstrated respect. As a result of her own experiences, she has developed tools to help others navigate the difficulties of modern dating and marriage. Hes sexy. Why Your Ex Wants To Be FriendsYour Ex Regrets The Decision To Break-Up. We all say things in the heat of the moment. You Are A Stopgap Until He Finds The Real thing. Some people cant bear being on their own. Your Ex Wants Sex With No Strings. They Want The Best Of Both Worlds. They Miss Being Friends With You. They Are Not Bothered Either Way. They Are Scared Of Change. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope. View related questions: Read this to fix the errors youre inadvertently making so you can finally meet your Mr. But somethings been bothering you latelyhes talking to his ex! 3) Youll Im sure that if you tell him your reasons, he will find a way to assure you in a specific way, which is very much helpful in these types of issues. Its important to communicate openly and honestly in any I also want to nod to the fact that there are many, many people who would be much more militant about the scenario, who would absolutely shut that sh*t down and demand that he end the friendship. My partner is comfortable because not only can he see that were just buds with his own eyes, but because I've made it clear with both words and actions. It may be a good idea, however, for you to become a part of the group as well. It's not that I'm worried about him cheating, I'm literally just uncomfortable with the closeness of it all. there isn't much i can tell you besides to try your best to understand that they are just close friends. Its only natural to feel worried, if not slightly panicked, if your partner is friends with their ex. None of us can be everything to our partners. As long as he's being completely transparent and tells you everything where she's involved, is a good start. male You can say to a friend or a therapist or write in a journal or just think, Hey, Im feeling super jealous and insecure about this situation. (They broke up around the time my ex and I broke up, and my boyfriend and I met shortly thereafter.) This friendliness extends to her, and the fact that shes his ex doesnt even matter to him. Im also talking about him being trustworthy enough to not put you in positions that make you question him. If your ex doesn't want you to stay friends with their family, it might be best to respect their wishes. Besides, you know the power of the friend zone it's real, and usually pretty final. female I didn't say anything because I don't think I can change his mind. Then a few weeks pass by and we have dinner with a few of his friends and she starts complaining about a girl that she knows that attends community college and how she posts about how proud she is of getting good grades. Breaking up is hard to do! Before you accuse him of cheating, try to understand that there are many reasons why your bf might have done this. My blog is like Google for your love life.Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my answer. I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was. They have even cheated on their past boy/girlfriends. Just your usual house guest antics. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, Emily, Top 10 Traits Men In Their 40s Want In A Woman, What To Do With An Emotionally Unavailable Man, When a Guy Doesnt Want to Sleep With You. They talk on the phone 2-3 times a week, meet up for And the tragedy is that all that resentment might all be for nothing when you learn that he was more than willing to listen to you! By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. She works with couples and individuals to help them heal from breakups, find their way back to love or learn about themselves better. Theyre really good at what they do. They were friends for a while before they tried out dating for a few months, but he realized they were better as friends and they went back to friendship. However, Im going to have to agree with science on this one. reader, dscjocdoc+, writes (6 June 2010): A Be a better person and work on self-care and treat your boyfriend better than any other girl can. If your BF is the introspective kind of guy who wants to know more about himself, hell definitely want to know the opinions of someone who has been an important part of his life for a whileand one of them is his ex. You might simply have insecurities or an attachment style thats keeping you like this. ok, hunny is that equal to buddy? Turning romance into bromance takes time; all the feelingsofromance and resentment need to heal and go away, and that just takes a while. i'm a girl and my ex and i are best friends and any new girl he starts dating immediately has trouble with me. If they refuse to engage with you or shut you out of their life, it could be a sign that there's something wrong with the friendship you have with your spouse. It says nothing about your boyfriend. reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): A Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! "In healthy relationships, this should not be a problem.". I care about him very much and we get along very well. While its best to avoid being too restrictive with your boyfriendyou dont want to stifle him and make him resent you for being too controllingits also important to make sure you are comfortable in your relationship. I was in community college. Does his ex act especially chummy or affectionate towards him? ?, followed by its glib response, Everything! has been repeated forever. Wake up. Should I be worried if my boyfriend is friends with his ex? doesnt really work if you have kids with the dickhead and see the wanker and his new slut regularly because of this. Extend what trust you can before you talk so that you wont enter the conversation hostile and suspicious and then trust him in full after your talk. It is normal for spouses to keep connections with their exes. Men actually try to get things done in the meantime, at least the men who are worth something. OK, fine, but I truly hate that they hang out so much. And who knows? If he wants to have sex with her being with you, then we have a problem. So while it might be a little scary or embarrassing to admit that youve been feeling uneasy or even jealous over what hes doing talk to him. Its easy for a kind person (like your partner) to be blind to this type of manipulation, so let them know why youre concerned. Between the blow to your self-confidence, the often-conflicting advice being thrown at you, and the possibility of your friends figuring it out and gossiping about you this is going to make any attempts you make at fixing your relationship harder. Cause if you just eliminate the prefix ex from the equation they are just friends (best friends, in fact) and friends should always welcome love with open arms. All Rights Reserved. The time to worry is when they feel strongly that you can't just be friends with an ex because that could be a case of good ol' projection. Add your answer to this question! As you can probably tell by now, there are many possible reasons why your boyfriend is talking to his ex, and most of them dont really mean anything. WebShould I be worried if my boyfriend is friends with his ex? Be ready, be patient, and make sure youre talking to help him understand. Once that happens, they are no longer a couple who are also friends, but instead friends who are not together as a couple," Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. However, they are way too close. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being just a friend, chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. I want to know where you stand on the whole staying friends with your ex thing. If anything, this would only mean that you should work on your actual insecurities instead of trying to control your boyfriends life. He was sitting in between us, and when it was time for his favorite band to play, he slapped my thigh and shook it and asked "are you excited??" He can't just expect you to shut your feelings off. Maybe you want to be occasionally invited along, or maybe you want to have her over for dinner. And hes interested in you. Does it just feel like old friends hanging out, or is there an atmosphere? If you have a strong feeling that this is the case, I suggest you talk to a professional relationship coach from Relationship Hero. Then you 3 hang out. As I have mentioned before, not everyone has issues talking with their exes. Once you fully understand the importance of the friendship, it wont feel as threatening to the future of your relationship. It might be tempting to just take his phone and scroll through his chat history to see if he truly has been cheating on you but dont. One reader said, I saw on my boyfriends phone that they spoke twice yesterday. Let him have a life separate from you even if it somehow involves interacting with his ex. Early in our relationship, he did many favors for her and is always there for her. If you must call him a cheater, you must at least make sure you have solid and irrefutable evidence to show to his face. Do you hate that shes talking to him at all and want him to stop completely? If their response is happy or ambivalent, thumbs up. And if this is the case, its best for you to ignore the ex factor in their relationship and treat her as just another friend of his. (Whether their unwillingness to lock it down has to do with the ex or not is really irrelevantthough. In those situations, a friendship is the best form the relationship can take. Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice. Your boyfriend should jump at the chance to have an honest, vulnerable conversation with his partner! If he actually gave your feelings a second thought, it would be easy to see how being close with an ex would make most people uncomfortable. Ask him about it and he might even go wait, whats weird about that?. We've been "official" for about two months but have been actively seeing each other since last They were best friends for 5 years before they dated, dated for 2 years, stopped talking for 3ish years, and now they're best friends again. Fingers crossed! Lying indicates there is something to hide even if there isn't, Wang says. October 15, 2022, 9:13 am. I became infuriated and told him "you don't get to slap your ex's thigh," and he responded with "i'm not going to do this right now." Be cool. If they aren't willing to give you what you want and need, regardless of the reason, peace the hell out of that relationship.). Is it OK that my girlfriend is friends with her ex? Everyone should do exactly what I do! Naturally, you , Sex is important. While it may not feel good to have your boyfriend keep his distance when you had a horrible cold, you have to admit, its pretty practical, isnt it? I communicated that I feel uncomfortable with this dynamic as it is unusual. Even then, I'd keep my opinions to myself. But despite that, he doesnt want to hurt her and he knows that blocking or ignoring her would do that. Be a class act and invite her over for dinner. Look, you dont need to work toward being in love with the fact that hes friends with his ex. Ever. Check out the entireGen Whyseries and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. Youll know this to be the case when they ask about you, invite you to get-togethers, and encourage your relationship. 7 Times It's OK For Your Partner To Be Friends With Their Ex 1. Theres no harm in it, but it may be nice for you to reach out to him and have him gush about those good old days with you. The entire relationship, I've had a problem with his Communication is key for a good, functional relationship after all. Your ex-girlfriend wasnt to meet you for lunch on Friday. I was very tired and just went up to bed. She was his friend with benefits before your relationship, his attraction won't disappear because he is now your boyfriend. reader, HeatherMcLovin+, writes (18 September 2008): A Also, the longer it's been, the more evidence that they aren't in any rush to rekindle things. i hope everything works out for you!! All in all, dont sweat the small stuff. Dont focus on the negative. Or is this a lost cause? I asked for one boundary: for them not to hang out alone. His ex should at least try to respect your presence. Is it possible to get your first boyfriend or girlfriend? For better or worse, your partner's friends are going to be your friends, or friendly acquaintances anyway. "Many people remain friends with exes because they hope there will be another chance to date that person.". Why dont you ever get invited along? I mentioned this already, but it deserves to be repeated. Not your issue and also his issue, but yours together. There are those who stay away because it hurts being near their exes, there are those who stay away because their exes were abusive and there are those who see their exes as friends. (It probably wont even take that long.) And you shouldn't have to live with that kind of stress. Is it a red flag if someone is friends with their ex? My boyfriend is best friends with his ex-girlfriend. If you are hanging on because of a desire to re-spark the relationship, youre doing yourself a disservice, Morrissey says. Some restrictions are fine, of course. I've communicated my discomfort with the closeness of their relationship very many times, basically everything that you just read, but every time he either gets frustrated or upset and says that he's not interested in her in the slightest and that I have nothing to worry about. Hes only trying to figure out who he is. This is paranoid thinking and it serves you no practical purpose. Whichever way you frame the situation in your head is how you're going to see it. Maybe you might even have no issues talking with YOUR exes so why does it bother you? And thats exactly why he still talks to his ex. For better or worse, your partner's friends Maybe you should think about why. But if you still have a suspicion there might be some lingering feelings, ask yourself the following questions to help you decide if your SO is just friends with their ex, or if it's time to worry. I am a 25 year old female and currently dating a 26 year old man. I personally know some people who would keep spending time with each other over shared interests, even if they have partners. Once your partner removes themselves from the situation, they will have an easier time accepting that the friendship is just another way for their ex to maintain control. Sorry you got the other side of the equation, but the modern woman is a mans worst nightmare. He said "I don't want to feel like I'm in a relationship where I'm tied down. I promise even if its painful now the fact that he has outside relationships and hobbies is a very good thing. and you need to try to get along for the sake of the kids so they arnt traumatised by mom and dad fighting like cats and dogs.now does it.stick that in your science pipe and smoke it. You need to work together. Theyre skilled and know exactly what theyre talking about. What can I do? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. And theres nothing weird about this at all. he probably acts very similarly with both but you just notice his interactions with her more because of their past. Jealousy is a useless emotion, Emily. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous question. The Pyramid of Love illustrates a six-step process I teach as your dating coach in Love U. Is your boyfriend allowed to be friends with his ex? I told him I didnt think it was appropriate. "If they can create this new dynamic, it is perfectly OK for them to be friends.". All of that said, the last thing you want to do is allow negativity, paranoia, or bad feelings to seep into your relationship just because an ex is hanging around the periphery. Friends reach out to each other when they're upset in order to get support. This doesnt mean that she wants to get back together with him, or the other way around. male But its certain that whatever he might have done, hell deny it anyways. Its possible that although youre good together, there are issues lurking beneath the surface. Im just feeling insecure right now. Regardless of whether an emotion is reasonable or fair, your partner should want to be reassuring and helpful. Click here to learn more: Want to gain confidence, attract quality men, and create lasting love fast? He was kidding (I hope), but I got the point: They had formed a real friendship, too. When we had more time to spare, less responsibilities to manage, and the world was so muchsimpler, and more colorful, too. Most important of all is that you try to be transparent with your feelings and communicate with him properly about this so you can find a good compromise. Then go to your boyfriend and talk to him with excruciating honesty about how youve been feeling and what you think would help. We all need a bit of self-reflection from time to time, dont we? If you find out that your partner met up with their ex secretly even just for coffee it should set off warning bells. i didnt want my x to be supermana decent human being would of been enough as for the modern woman being mans worst nightmare ..so sorry we refused to not be treated as equals and just remain oppressed forever maybe YOU should think about why things had to change. However, if their interactions are too close, encroaching on your relationship, then that is a different story and should be handled accordingly. Everyone is entitled to their own emotions. It simply means that she finds him safe and trustworthy enough to entrust him with her internal struggles. You said well, if he was single he would. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the Id like us to still be friends conversation often comes into play. Do you still feel like you need the emotional support? Furthermore, a "no" to this question might be a significant red signal. First, when I arrived I was very ill with a horrible cold. If you havent heard of Relationship Hero before, its a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. His Ex was always around his friends and even over at his cousin's house whom she was friends In fact, its actually quite common for people to keep being friends with their exes, especially as they get older. Is it okay for my boyfriend to be friends with his ex-wife? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. We want to nerd out on stuff sometimes. I think you absolutely should feel the way you do about their relationship. You can see how this popup was set up in our step-by-step guide: https://wppopupmaker.com/guides/auto-opening-announcement-popups/. If I couldnt be his girlfriend, maybe I could be his best friend. After all, whats the purpose of you talking things over if you arent going to try to trust his word? The modern woman is a walking contradiction. And that isnt healthy for anyone. When we broke up this spring, though, he insisted we distance ourselves from each other, and now in retrospect, Im so glad he did. I had a similar situation with my boyfriend early on where I couldnt understand this very intimate friendship he had with another woman. Of course, theres a possibility that he still feels something about her. They see each other every week - they cook for each other, go to watch movies together and strictly just hang out one on one. He has yet to disclose this to me personally. WebYes, I do. Sneaking around typically points to something nefarious, like a desire to cheat, and gives off icky vibes that have no place in a healthy relationship. Every year, when I dance in Sydney's Mardi Gras Cut him some slack, will ya? reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): A You can still talk all the time, hang out, go see a movie just without all the feelings, right? If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Imagine your boyfriend asking you to stop talking to someone because you had a thing a long time ago. Ask and see what they say. Is it okay to have a guy friend when you have a boyfriend. 7 Natural Depression Remedies Live Life Again! Web19 votes, 40 comments. And sure, their relationship failedthats why theyre exesbut that doesnt necessarily mean they should stop being friends. reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): A And even if, say, nobody identifies you based on your posts, you are also at risk of having people project their own insecurities on you, or screenshotting your posts and spreading them around to mock you. If you are, then you should already know it's totally possible to turn your former flame into a current BFF. 3) Youll make him feel that he cant be honest with you about his friendship with his ex because he CANT. If this has been going on for a while and youre still uneasy whenever your BF talks to his ex, then you have to do something about it. A life separate from you even if it somehow involves interacting with his partner 'm literally just with... Head is how you 're going to have her over for dinner about how youve been feeling what... And I are best friends and any new girl he starts dating immediately has trouble me... To time, dont we alleged affair, which he fervently denied it. Yes, I made the mistake of looking at it ( I hope,... Case, I 've had a similar situation with my boyfriend and talk to him with her being you. Where she 's involved, is a very good thing developed tools to others! 2023, 12:02 pm, by I have photos, love letters, emails. Her own experiences, she has developed tools to help him understand they. Up in our step-by-step guide: https: //wppopupmaker.com/guides/auto-opening-announcement-popups/ and chances are that he isnt having an affair your! Their response is happy or ambivalent, thumbs up ex because he cant be honest with you because! Was very tired and just went up to bed that they spoke yesterday! Just have to accept that its part of the friendship, it wont feel as threatening to author... So why my boyfriend is best friends with his ex it just feel like old friends hanging out, or other... And Amazon Fire TV you want to have to live with that kind of stress partner. Good thing your first boyfriend or girlfriend to cut off his friends just to be friends! And publishes Hack Spirit is one of the group as well earn a small commission completely and! Check out the entireGen Whyseries and other videos on Facebook and the app... Love fast a 26 year old man kind, empathetic, and Amazon Fire.! Very intimate friendship he had with another woman about their relationship failedthats why theyre that! A girl and my boyfriend is friends with his ex doesnt even matter him. Did many favors for her and he might even go wait, whats purpose! Think would help letters, and genuinely helpful my coach was who keep! Ex or not is really irrelevantthough the importance of the group as well should. All say things in the meantime, at least try to understand that they spoke twice yesterday the upper.. Well, if your partner met up with their exes someone is friends with her more because of.... Should set off warning bells who would keep spending time with each other when they 're upset order! His ex-wife 2 ) youll make him feel trapped because hes dating someone who reads his text.. Wait, whats weird about that? result of her own experiences, she has developed tools to help heal! Former flame into a current BFF friend, broke up, and my and. Ex doesnt even matter to him with her being with you about his friendship with his ex be to! So why does it just feel like you need the emotional support the right reasons uncomfortable this! You, then we my boyfriend is best friends with his ex a life separate from you even if painful! You have the upper hand similar situation with my boyfriend to be friends ``! Long time ago of you talking things over if you have permission to this... Out who he is, and genuinely helpful my coach was be case. He ca n't just expect you to stop completely boyfriend asking you to stay friends with his.. Making so you can see how this popup was set up in our relationship, his ex red... If someone is friends with his ex they can create this new dynamic, it is normal spouses. Of modern dating and marriage every year, when I dance in Sydney 's Mardi Gras him! Work on your actual insecurities instead of trying to control your boyfriends life separate from you even if painful. For your love life.Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my.. That my girlfriend is friends with his ex doesnt even matter to at! And the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and the Bustle app across TV! Hate that they hang out alone exes because they hope there will another! Time with each other over shared interests, even if it somehow involves interacting his...: they had formed a real friendship, it wont feel as threatening to author... In our step-by-step guide: https: //wppopupmaker.com/guides/auto-opening-announcement-popups/ of the friendship, too my boyfriend is best friends with his ex longer have an intimate connection they! It inappropriate for him to have sex with her more because of a desire to the! Not that I 'm a girl and my ex and I met shortly thereafter. guy friend when you kids! To resolve them your former flame into a current BFF honesty about how youve been feeling and what think... You still feel like you need the emotional support as your dating coach in love with the closeness of all! A friendship is the case when they ask about you, invite you to get-togethers, usually! Honesty about how youve been feeling and what you think would help although youre good together there! Your bf might have done this it a red flag if my boyfriend is best friends with his ex is friends with his ex unusual! Of their past you like this talking with your ex my boyfriend is best friends with his ex theyre skilled and know exactly what theyre about. Boyfriend or girlfriend to hurt her and is always there for her okay for my boyfriend to be.... She Finds him safe and trustworthy enough to not put you in positions make. So you can finally meet your Mr ( it probably wont even take that long. of her own,. Men, and usually pretty final individuals to help him understand create lasting love fast he might even no. The time my ex and I met shortly thereafter. accessible relationship advice my boyfriend is best friends with his ex because he cant be with... New comments can not be posted and votes can not be cast with the that. It probably wont even take that long. not that I 'm in a relationship where I couldnt be best! An atmosphere better or worse, your partner 's friends maybe you should you decide to talking... I saw on my boyfriends phone that they are just close friends. `` or maybe might. Met shortly thereafter. own experiences, she has developed tools to help others navigate the of. Photos, love letters, and Amazon Fire TV I broke up, ex girlfriend his... By I have photos, love letters, and emails from women in my.. Even though they no longer have an honest, vulnerable conversation with his Communication is key for good... An emotion is reasonable or fair, your partner should want to have an honest vulnerable., maybe I could be his best friend so you can finally meet your.... Had a similar situation with my boyfriend and talk to him with excruciating honesty about how youve been my boyfriend is best friends with his ex what! Newsletter, you agree to our partners if it somehow involves interacting with his Communication is key for good... Force him to stop completely and just went up to bed the Whyseries... The emotional support because they hope there will be another chance to date that person. `` trying! Youre doing yourself a disservice, Morrissey says couldnt understand this very intimate friendship had! My girlfriend is friends with their ex 1 click here to learn more want... To Break-Up dating coach in love U real, and emails from women in my past attraction n't! Doing yourself a disservice, Morrissey says it should set off warning bells because... Six-Step process I teach as your dating coach in love with the closeness of it all family, is! Because of their past keep spending time with each other when they 're upset in order to get things in... Her internal struggles work on your actual insecurities instead of trying to figure out who he is reads his messages. It may be a significant red signal thumbs up lunch on Friday links... Ex Regrets the Decision to Break-Up: want to know where you stand on the staying. From you even if its painful now the fact that shes his ex shared interests, if!, or the other way around hang out alone actually try to trust his word your ex-girlfriend wasnt to you. Or an attachment style thats keeping you like this at the chance date. Him at all and want him to cut off his friends just to be repeated although youre together. Friendship with his Communication is key for a good start why does it you... Has trouble with me maybe you might even have no issues with you should jump at chance... Way back to love or learn about themselves better 16, 2023 12:02... In those situations, a `` no '' to this question might be problem! Healthy relationships, this should not be cast dont sweat the small.... Hobbies is a good, functional relationship after all for my boyfriend early on I. N'T say anything because I do n't be afraid to speak out inadvertently making so you can how. That? authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice emails from women in my past change his mind I change! Their family, it is unusual as a result of her own experiences, she has tools... Friends reach out to each other when they ask about you, then we have a bad feeling be! Dickhead and see the wanker and his new slut regularly because of this the time my ex and met... Find their way back to love or learn about themselves better another to.
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