Confronting the other man will only mean I am trying to shy away from taking responsibility for the problems in the marriage. Marriage is between two people; the husband and wife. WebMy wife is in love with another man. When she discovered more evidence of me, he told her I was obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him alone. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). Be pliant and outwardly considerate. I have absolutely no intention of pointlessly spreading misery to other people. They are weak individuals- who would choose to be anyones leftovers? And she had the nerve to complain that I was harassing her, because I kept asking her to stop contacting us. Not sure I agree with this. Hold on for two months. Glad I'm already separated and glad I have proof of ALL the MANY lies my husband has been telling and still trying to tell. I don't blame her. This is the way mine went down . If you think anything else will happen, well. I had to realize WHY he wanted out and forgive him to move on. When she does, I just make myself a fake profile using the name of fictional characters, and post all the details of her affair, including photos and videos she sent on her FB page, buried in comments on old posts. Id largely agree with your article but I feel when I contacted the ap it was so helpful that occasionally it can work that way. Built their house on land we were supposed to and made sure to get married in the city we loved as a couple so thats wrecked for me. Act absolutely normal with her, her relations, her friends, coworkers, and any mutual friends. I'm hoping to be able to see the AP one day with no reaction. You really need to let go of this whole thing. Plus, my husband is a photographer and I have his photos of her too. No matter how much I feel like she is the enemy and is not a good person, it was my husband's responsibility to put a stop to this craziness and he has not done that. Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action. 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. I need advice on how to handle this with my wife - and if you help me I will post links to videos of her with face blurred But I would never answer the call. We even went and had drinks with her and the other other woman lol. You are still with a woman who cheated on you for 20 years, lied about how long ago it was, and now is playing like she was the victim? If he has a lover aside from me, it is his cup of tea. He turned so pale, looking like he honestly thought Id never find out at all. What if I dont know him? I found out and he has been transparent with everything. If they cant give you that promise, you really dont have much to work with. This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. If its possible, I dont want to lose that. Anymore mistakes and I will divorce or if it comes out she lied about what really happened, doubt I will find out unless the dead man's wife tells me, then I will divorce too over the lying. I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. Will confronting the other person force your spouse to make a decision? The world is still spinning. My wife claimed she had told him this already. And if he sense that you are not being straightforward with him, he is unlikely to be open and honest with you (see when people lie). As YellowShark says she denied and denied but I didn't back down and eventually came the trickle truth. document.write(new Date().getFullYear()) He had told me he and his wife were not in love and were not intimate anymore hadn't been for years. been seeing each other for some time he was her boss some ten years ago but when it got deeper Im unaware. WebTheres no point in confronting those lovers. The love you have for her, and the trust you claim that you have between you, and the fact that your marriage is fairly new, yet, she is already looking to step out and sleep with another man. Sadness for the inevitable collateral damage that will result from our divorce, for the family members taking sides, for the joint friends I can no longer talk to. with his or her lover? If you've been tempted to confront the affair partner, leave it to professionals. In addition, (even though you do not wish it to be so) contact an attorney to understand your options and possibly an annulment. It's ours. Its your turn to return the favor. Be intentional with your healing with this, Hope for Healing Registration Soon! Confronting a cheating spouse is an opportunity for making things better. It's an exercise in futility. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. Don't get me wrong, he is ultimately to blame, as he made the commitment to me, but she really showed her true colors which made it easier for him to pull out of the affair fog. Love is really just chemical responses in the brain. She is not the woman you thought she was. I think you would be kicked out of the door before you can say "role reversal". We CAN FINALLY move forward! If you've been tempted to confront the affair partner, leave it to professionals. If she is Maybe that person will tell you things your partner will not. I told her how the affair made me feel- angry, betrayed, sad. But I didnt get that vibe from her at all. This should not be and I will try to avoid But I need him to know that I know, and to stay the hell out of our lives if we cross paths. Oh, did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months? She had chosen to trust her husband, I just need some answers and I am not getting them! I sent it to his Dr.s office. I went into it telling him he had one chance to screw me with no repercussions and Id walk out for good if he ever did it again. Besides, she will become paranoid about her texts, emails etc and leave no clues going forward, while your mind will become super-suspicious. Again he didn't reply. Did you try marriage counseling? Aaaandlaughed. I have four children and volunteer for all their schools and activities and now because contacted her more than ONE time my criminal record check is tainted. Always a way out. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. But a ship is not built to last, it it built to endure. I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. A: What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. I would not be embarrassing her but myself if I should confront her in public. Patience is a virtue, especially under the most trying circumstances. TBH I don't know what my game plan is. I will walk out of the marriage- Derek Agyei. From her end, while she quietens down for a few months, the fire to cheat and feel the same sexual thrill with another guy, will begin flickering harder once again, and before you realize it she will be back on her knees taking hot dogs for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in between meals as well. I calmly told him never to speak to my wife again. It will really be a big disgrace for me if my wife has a lover outside marriage. Please log in OR register. Do you really want to help him as you say you do? Complete reversal of what she thought before. And she wanted details. As I pursued healing for myself and our marriage I felt led to write the AP a letter. I work through things and my coping skills are excellent. Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. But she is liking photos his cousin is putting up of them fishing. It has been very difficult and I will always think of our marriage as the first 25 yrs vs. the rest of it. Recovery from my past relationship took over a year, but now Im completely better. One of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay married for us kids. Then she changed her tune and told me "he'd never been in love with me and was going to start a new life with her." I think we have to clear the air. As we discussed more, I think I understand more now. She didn't say anything about the affair. We don't know where or how soon that would happen, but I can assure you that you wont be on the one serving the hot dogs. You NEED to have an intimate support in your life, Im not meaning romantically, but someone to talk with on a deeply personal level. From a worldly perspective, her husband and she have a successful loving marriage. I even invited further contact so that she could 'work it out.'. *Focus on rebuilding connections ASAP. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. I agree with this article. The person I need to confront is my spouse. WebA parent or sibling may demand that the spouse who is a primary victim somehow fix the problem by challenging the right of the outside lover to pursue his or her spouse. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me or if she still thinks she hates me. I feel a true sense of completion now. Do not fight around him or anything. This has nothing to do with each others families. I have a public image to protect. My wife has been acting very strangely, very distant over the last month, saying that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life. The most important thing to remember; is every new day you are rebuilding and retooling your ship. HomeForumsRelationshipsConfronted my wife tonight. Coping with my husbands infidelity and trying to rebuild our marriage takes enough of my energy. I realize now, that from the very beginning she knew that my husband had no intentions of leaving me for her, so she tried to get me to be the one to kick him out so he would turn to her. My only advice is get out NOW. You walk with you pride, money, and assets, and yet she would be thanking you for not washing her filthy linen in public before the public (including your mutual friends and her relatives). I hope you'll consider our EMS Online course for couples. Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. Everything went down just like the post mentioned. Make it CLEAR that you're aware of the truthbut be vague on details. There is no way Im going to her workplace HR department about this, and to the extent I can avoid it, I dont want this to screw up her relationships with her family either- I do still care deeply about her and her family members, who Ive grown quite fond of over the years, and it would break my heart to see her alienated from her family. But it became clear that it was all a lie. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, documented this experience in previous posts, 4 Loving Things Unhappy Husbands Should Do INSTEAD Of Cheating, 6 Signs You're In Love With A SERIOUS Narcissist (And How To Deal), 50 Absolutely Perfect 'I Love You' Quotes That NAIL True Love, Was Your Ex Insane? She kept asking who told me, I never told her that I read her phone messages. 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